A strong handshake and assertive greeting may not be the best way to make a good first impression. Social psychologist Amy Cuddy of Harvard Business School is studying how we evaluate people we meet. When we meet individuals or groups for the first time, we mostly evaluate two metrics: trustworthiness and confidence.

When we form a first impression of another person it’s not really a single impression. We’re really forming two.

  • We’re judging how warm and trustworthy the person is, and that’s trying to answer the question, “What are this person’s intentions toward me?”
  • We’re also asking ourselves, “How strong and competent is this person?” That’s really about whether or not they’re capable of enacting their intentions.

Through research we found that it really comes down to two traits: trustworthiness and competence. People universally sort groups in a two by two matrix. And what you end up getting is that most groups are seen as high on one trait and low on the other. You don’t actually have many groups that are both not trusted and not respected, or that are both loved and respected.

The thing we found after sorting people into these four quadrants is that they predict four unique emotions and four unique behavioral responses.

  • Groups that are seen as competent but disliked elicit a lot of respect and admiration but also a lot of resentment and antipathy.
  • Groups that are seen as warm and trustworthy but incompetent illicit pity, which is about both compassion and sadness.

Can you use this knowledge to better make and give first impressions?

People need to trust you in order to be themselves. So trying to be the more dominant one in the interaction is probably going to make it harder for you to get accurate information about the other person, because it’s going to shut them down. Or they’re going to feel defensive, or they’re going to feel threatened, or they’re going to try to out alpha you.

Trying to establish trust –  trust begets trust. I know people find this very controversial but it’s true. If you are trusting, if you project trust, people are more likely to trust you.

How do you convey trust in a first interaction?

1. Let the other person speak first or have the floor first

You can do this by simply asking them a question. I think people make the mistake, especially in business settings, of thinking that everything is negotiation. They think, “I better get the floor first so that I can be in charge of what happens.” The problem with this is that you don’t make the other person feel warmth toward you. Warmth is really about making the other person feel understood. They want to know that you understand them. And doing that is incredibly disarming.

2. Collect information about the other person’s interests — get them to share things about themselves

Just making small talk helps enormously. Research proves that five minutes of chit-chat before a negotiation increases the amount of value that’s created in the negotiation.

What’s funny about all this is that the things that you do to increase trust actually often are things that are seen as wastes of time. People say, “Oh, I don’t have time for small talk.” Well, you should make the time for small talk because it will really help.

In general this is a mistake of over-weighting the importance of expressing strength and competence, at the expense of expressing warmth and trustworthiness. How can you possibly be a good leader if the people who are supposed to be following you don’t feel that you understand them? How is it possible? No one is going to listen if they don’t trust you. Why would they? Why should they?

Trust opens them up to what you have to say. It opens them up to your strength and confidence. Trust is the conduit through which ideas travel.

Source:

http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2012/11/amy-cuddy-first-impressions/